“I experienced domestic violence when I was growing up, when I saw my dad hitting my mum,” says Ma’ruf. “But what frightened me the most wasn't only that it was happening to me and my family, but the fact that it was so common in my community.”

The normalisation of domestic violence, and inequality between men and women in all facets of life, ran deep within her community, says Ma’ruf. “As a child, I remember the father of one of my female friends told her, ‘It’s okay if your husband raises his voice to you, as long as he doesn’t hit you.’”

“That was my earliest realisation of how domestic violence happens in many communities around the world, and how this world still normalises violence against women,” she says. This realisation spurred her to declare to her mother that she never wanted to get married—a declaration that was met with heavy criticism.

“It’s almost like there is this idea that women should be grateful for what they have. That it’s okay if your husband hits you as long as he’s being honest and loyal. It’s okay that he’s marrying another women as long as he’s gentle,” she says. “I realised that it’s simply expected of women to get married regardless of what they’ve gone through.”

“Looking back, at that time, it was really the moment where I realised there was something really wrong with society when it comes to the treatment of women.”

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“In addition to domestic violence being normalised, I also observed child marriage becoming normalised too. Not just in my community, but in different parts of the country,” says Ma’ruf.

“There was a girl [from Ma’ruf’s high school] that always had straight A's. She was very smart, but she got married before she even got her high school diploma,” says Ma'ruf. “She got married on the last day of high school after her final exams, and it was due to tradition that she couldn’t continue her education.”

Ma’ruf, on the other hand, went on to complete her Masters degree—an opportunity most young women in her community were not afforded.

Years later, Ma’ruf met her again at a celebratory event. “I remember she just casually said, ‘Oh it’s so nice you could continue your education and go to school.’ I don’t think it meant to her as much as it meant to me,” Ma’ruf says. “But it really served as an affirmation to me. It reminded me again of the challenges still faced by women in my community and made me realise that I really am on the right path and that this is what I have to continue doing—to continue speaking up about women and sharing women’s stories.”

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Ma’ruf describes feeling like “a complete failure” as she tried to cope with recently losing her father around the same time as giving birth to a little girl.

“It’s devastating to lose your father, but at the same time it’s ecstatic and magical to have a newborn. But you just feel like a complete failure because all of the books you’ve read, all of those guidelines and everything, it feels like a total lie when you’re face-to-face with a newborn—you’re just scared and helpless.”

“I was so overwhelmed, it made me want to just stop—to the point where I almost forgot the reason why I am doing this,” she says. “But in the middle of it all, an email came from the BBC [notifying her that she was named in the BBC’s 100 Women list], and it was like God’s hands telling me that it’s still worth fighting and that I need to continue what I’ve started.”

“In the middle of death and birth and feeling completely helpless, the BBC reminded me that I was worth it, that what I’m doing is risky but that my cause is important to continue.”

See other honourees from The Arts category of the Gen.T List 2019.